


smile like you mean it

by brominewaterandtears



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27729115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brominewaterandtears/pseuds/brominewaterandtears
Summary: Captaincy can be difficult, and the English test captaincy in particular can be hellish. Joe Root knows that all too well.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	smile like you mean it

Captaincy is difficult.

Of course Joe had known that, expected that when he agreed to the position. He'd seen what it had done to Alastair over the years, how it had affected his batting and mental health.

Maybe, somewhat foolishly, he'd thought that he'd do it differently. He'd manage to avoid the self fulfilling prophecy of England test captains breaking down after five or so years. He hadn't exactly planned how he'd avoid it by the time Alastair left to give him sole reign over the team- but well, he supposed he'd figure it out.

He's 4 years into his tenure as captain now.

He's still waiting to figure it out.

He feels as if there should be some sort of lightbulb moment, where it all suddenly comes together and his captaincy slips into the highest tier possible. The likes of Brearley, Waugh, Khan- he yearns for that kind of indomitable captaincy, where not even the press dare to lay the blame for a loss on their shoulders.

Even Eoin is a big inspiration in that regard. Joe loves being part of the ODI team under Eoin's captaincy, loves the freedom and surety of which there is significantly less of in the test team.

Of course, part of the free nature of the ODI team is due to the team all being generational talents. But a small part of Joe wonders if maybe some of it is down to the captaincy.

Maybe if he was a better captain England would win more overseas tours.

Maybe if he was a better captain the test team wouldn't feel as much pressure to perform, the atmosphere wouldn't be clouded with fear whenever they came to crushing defeat.

Ben would roll his eyes and say it was because the press, and outwardly Joe would agree with him. Inwardly, he still wonders.

His batting form doesn't help either.

He knows he should consider himself lucky, he's not struck a horrific trough of form or anything. Most people would consider making 50's a good thing. And so would he, if it hadn't been for the way he started his test career.

When you average 55+ in your first years in the test arena, people expect big things. To be honest, Joe had expected big things. He was determined to put himself among the hall of fame English players, finish as a respected test captain with an average of 55 or higher. He'd sort of half achieved one of those things.

Now he knows he's slipped out of whatever they call the big 4, knows he probably can't compete with the likes of Smith and Kohli like in his debut days. He's not really bitter about it anymore, but laments what could've been.

Maybe if he hadn't taken the test captaincy, maybe if he'd worked harder- but there's no point in indulging in hypotheticals now.

The situation is what it is, and he has to remind himself to be content with that. He's afraid otherwise if he lets it get to him he'll do something he'll regret, like call up the ECB chairman and tell him how much he hates this fucking job. 

That on the days the media hounds him about the team's loss he sits unblinking in the dressing room and digs his nails into his palms until they draw blood, dripping down his wrist in rivulets. 

That on those days he lies awake in bed, staring at the swirls on the ceiling and wondering if anyone would care if he quit.

Maybe he could tell him about the good days as well.

The days when Joe's tactical advice is the difference between the two sides, the days when they win overwhelmingly and celebrate with beers in the dressing room until his cheeks strain from smiling and his shirt is sticky with spilled champagne.

He has to remind himself about those days, because he doesn't hate the job, but sometimes the bad days are so bad he forgets that there were ever good days.

Ben and Jos help him with that, nudging him when gets too in his own head and listening to his worries. In a way, there's almost three English test captains. Chris jokingly refers to them as the 'triumvirate' but Joe actually thinks it fits fairly well.

Ben is the heart of the team, firing everyone up and making sure everyone performs at 100%. Jos, quiet but by no means silent, offers tactical advice. He watches over the pitch with an eagle eye from his vantage point as keeper and confers with Joe between balls, ensuring the team plans are running smoothly.

Joe likes to think of himself as the soul of the team.

He quite enjoys the man management aspect of captaincy, the more emotional side. He takes the players aside if they look like they're having a rough time to have a word, he'll slip notes of encouragement into Ollie's rucksack when he's on the verge of frustrated tears, he takes the team out for pizza when they're all nearly at breaking point.

It's why he became captain.

There was the glory aspect he'd dreamed of as a child, but ultimately he'd wanted to be the change that allowed people to feel like they had someone to talk to about their mental health, someone to come to for advice.

The press hate his captaincy, hate the way his batting has regressed and his team selection.

It's difficult, but he manages. When people ask how he deals with all that negative attention, his answer is simply 'for the team'.

And that has never, and will never change.


End file.
